Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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