smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
smell my finger.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
