my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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