Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
