Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
