Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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