Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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