And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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