its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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