I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
