i just had sex bonerless
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
