I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
