Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
