Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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