I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
