she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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