She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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