your parents love me but you hate me
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
