his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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