i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
the condom got lost in my hair
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
