remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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