i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
