I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
