As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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