if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
