i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Terrible idea I love it
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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