At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
