i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
