so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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