eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
