Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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