How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
