i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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