He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
