Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
