My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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