then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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