I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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