the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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