I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
