I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
