I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
