okay pat passed out under dana's car
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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