I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
