I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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