im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
