She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
