I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
