Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
