i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Randomize
