TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
