Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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