Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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