I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I wish they made helmets for livers.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
