You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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