if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
