IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
