Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
