Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
