Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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