Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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