There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
