Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
