we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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